The Years We Should Have Had: Learning to Carry a Sister’s Absence
A Conversation with Arianne
Episode Summary
In this conversation, Patti sits with Arianne to explore the lasting impact of losing her sister, Megan, to suicide nearly twenty years ago.
Arianne shares what it has been like to grow up alongside her sister, to begin building a relationship as adults, and then to lose her before those years could fully unfold. This episode reflects on the grief not only of who Megan was, but of everything that was never experienced together, the milestones, the aging, the shared life that didn’t get to happen.
Together, they talk about how grief changes over time, how emotions like sadness, anger, and even peace can exist at the same time, and what it means to move from needing answers to learning how to live with the unknown.
This conversation offers language for sibling grief, especially in the context of suicide loss, and creates space for a kind of grief that is often deeply felt but rarely spoken.
In This Episode
Topics discussed include:
• sibling relationships and evolving connection over time
• grief after suicide and the complexity of emotions that follow
• the loss of shared future experiences and “the years that should have been”
• navigating anger, sadness, and acceptance at the same time
• how grief changes over decades rather than disappearing
• the impact of belief systems and how they shape early grief
• learning to live with unanswered questions
• finding peace in the unknown
If You Relate to This Episode
Sibling grief can feel uniquely isolating.
You may find yourself grieving:
• the relationship you had and the one that was still becoming
• the milestones you didn’t get to share
• the version of life that no longer exists
• the questions that may never be answered
Grief like this doesn’t follow a timeline. It moves, shifts, and changes over time.
You are allowed to feel all of it.
Resources
Support for Suicide Loss
If you or someone you love is struggling, support is available:
• Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
• https://988lifeline.org
Utah-Based Resources
• Utah Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255
• SafeUT App (for real-time crisis support in Utah)
• NAMI Utah (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
https://www.namiut.org
Sibling Connection & Support
While sibling grief is often less talked about, connection can still be found through shared stories and intentional relationships:
• The Dinner Party (peer support for grief, including sibling loss)
https://www.thedinnerparty.org
• Modern Loss
https://modernloss.com
Creating intentional connection with siblings still present through shared time, communication, and honoring relationships as they evolve
Need Support?
If this conversation brings up emotions or you find yourself needing support, Patti offers one-on-one conversations for those navigating grief, loss, and life transitions.
You’re welcome to reach out here.
Reflection
What does it mean to grieve the years you didn’t get to have?
This episode invites you to consider not only who you’ve lost, but the life that was meant to unfold alongside them.
Share This Episode
“Some grief is for who they were. Some grief is for everything that never got to be.”
If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who may be carrying a similar kind of loss.
